Facebook status decipher

The boaster

They say: "James is sipping cocktails in Hawaii."
Desired message: I'm on an expensive, exotic holiday without a care in the world.
Real message: Look at me, look at me. My life really is much more fabulous than yours.

The attention-seeker

They say: "Sarah is still feeling down. Sigh"
Desired message: I've been feeling a bit low but don't worry about me.
Real message: I'm really quite needy and would like some attention from you.

The intriguer

They say "Jess has had the weirdest experience."
Desired message: Jess' life is a bit random and interesting.
Real message: I have a story (that I think is interesting) and I want you to ask me about it.

The emotionally fragile

They say: "Ruby is feeling a little teary after the break-up but all's good."
Desired message: Ruby is sad but is a real trooper
Real message: Ruby hates her ex and cannot stop crying.

The angry one

They say: "Gareth is argh, I hate the world today."
Desired message: I feel frustrated today — are you with me?
Real message: I'm short-tempered and want you all to back off. Scary.

The practical one

They say: "John has lost his phone, let me know your number."
Desired message: I value all your friendships and want your numbers back so we can keep in touch.
Real message: Finally, I might get my hands on Kate's mobile number.

The vain one

They say: "Olivia says hello cream cakes bye bye hips."
Desired message: I love eating and don't care about my weight.
Real message: Look at me, I'm thin, beautiful and can eat what I want. Please compliment me.

The shameless promoter

They say: "Andy is looking forward to seeing you at his DJ night at Alpha."
Desired message: Running a great night and it would be fun to see you there.
Real message: Please, please come. Only three people turned up at the last night.

The career show-off

They say: "Sonia gets to interview Brad Pitt".
Desired message: Work is going well and wanted you to know about my upcoming interview.
Real message: Look how fabulous my job is while the rest of you are writing about the farmer's

market in the local rag.

The family man/woman

They say: "Vivian thinks baby Burt gets cuter every day."
Desired message: Just wanted to let you all know, the baby is doing well.
Real message: I have the best-looking baby ever. Takes after his mum. Seriously.

The bore

They say: "Conner has just made toast."
Desired message: Conner has just made toast.
Real message: Conner is extremely, extremely dull. And has just made toast.

good luck for english everybody